onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
