I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
