I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
