i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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