just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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