I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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