So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
