Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
