She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Two words: blizzard sex
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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