So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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