At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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