All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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