Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
