I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
