That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
