My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize