Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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