she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
