This girl is more easily done than said...
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
