Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
