So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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