The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
