Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
