I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize