I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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