I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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