so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
