i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
