If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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