Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
