Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
