just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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