i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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