i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize