Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
