Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
