I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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