He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize