So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
