the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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