This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
