it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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