I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She's the barista slut.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
