i just wanna soil my oats bro
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
