I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
