Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My bed smells like the plague
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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