i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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