Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
