coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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