it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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