now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
