Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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