Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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