I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
