Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize