I just pynch a tree in the face
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize