I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can I color on your dick again?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
