You smell like stripper and shame
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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