whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When are your genitals available?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
