So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
