Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
