I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
