friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
