All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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