she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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