I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
