she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
