They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
