So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
