we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
