So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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