I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
