Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
