Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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