too bad you live with your parents still
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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