Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize