He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Who died my cat blue again?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
