Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
