I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
