yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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