My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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