Please, let me fuck your mom
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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