Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize