woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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