Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
