I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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